Featured image above by Dave Pedley
I had all these fanciful notions about writing a blog about what turning 40 means to me in both my professional and personal life. Unfortunately, I am no longer able to hang out in deep reflection for very long without having to change a diaper, nurse a baby, or bounce/walk around the house for hours. Perhaps down the road, I can elaborate more eloquently, but with a 3.5 month old, super active baby who has his mother’s fear of missing out, I get about 10% of the time to do 100% of what I once did.
In the last 40 years I’ve been around the world. I’ve done a lot of good stuff and a lot of seemingly worthless BS. I’ve spent 20 of these 40 years making music professionally. I’ve screwed up and I’ve been charmed. My friends, I’m beyond blessed by my mistakes and where they have led me. I see how fragile our world seems from the outside, but I also can see when I take a deeper look into your eyes and learn through your stories, we are a resilient bunch of humans trying to figure it out each day.
Here are some things I’ve gathered for which I’m grateful . . . Messy, fanciful and all.
In 40 years I’ve:
- Lost all my money to music
- Become wealthy on the inside
- Stayed way too long in situations that bankrupted my body and soul
- Turned my back on many opportunities out of fear of success
- Worked too many hours out of fear of failure
- Landed in countless situations of unexpected abundance despite my fears
- Learned that no matter what their race, religion or socioeconomic status, music is soul-medicine for everyone
- Learned that even though there’s little ROI in music, it is is more valuable than ever
- Witnessed humanity’s greatness through the kindness of strangers
- Grieved a youth I never knew
- Returned to innocence I didn’t know existed
- Discovered that real love comes with complete surrender
- Found 3 guidelines by which to thrive: Trust my gut. Do my best. Let go of my attachment to outcome
- Lost myself to the bullshit
- Hidden, owned and faced my addictions
- Found god/grace/peace in the ashes of my ego’s destruction
- Become a wife and a mama of three amazing non-biological kids and one bio-baby boy
- Ugly-cried with unspeakable joy a gazillion times over this magical baby and his every coo, gurgle and growth spurt
- Forgiven everything and everyone, including myself
So, this is how 40 feels.
If I’m lucky, for the next 40 years I’ll be:
- Making more music
- Spreading some love
- Raising these kids
- Getting knocked on my ass
- as a parent
- as a human
- Rising to the occasion
Love & blessings & big thanks to you all for letting me and my music be a part of your world.
Here’s to 40 more years of learning and love.